OK - so it's been awhile... but I'm back!

I am finding the new me and she's keeping me busy. Which is a great thing!

So here we are just past 13 months post-op and I'm officially on "One-Derland" which for the unofficiated means that my weight no longer starts with a 2. First time in 20 yrs (or just under - I don't know when I crossed that threshold but I know it was right around the year after I finished at university so I'm guesstimating 1991-1992?).

I am on the cusp of completing one of my goals for 2010: getting my Group Fitness Certification through the YMCA-YWCA in Ottawa. I have completed my Basics course, the group fitness fundamentals and the choreography class just this past Saturday. Up next? First Aid and CPR this coming Sunday. Then in May I start my Apprenticeship, get teaching some classes and when I'm ready, the practical evaluation.

I am really enjoying the newfound physical activity in my life. Honestly, if you'd told me I'd be doing even half of this stuff 6 months ago, I would have laughed at you.

So far this week, I have done a 4.5 km run (well... I walked for 10 min - 5 min warmup & cooldown and ran for 25 min non-stop which was probably 3.5 km in that 25 min) around the neighbourhood and today I did my first Spin class at the gym.

First about the run - I have to say I had an awesome experience yesterday. I had a very stressful day (dealing with folks at the Canada Revenue Agency relating to my GST returns for my old business - 'nuff said, right?) and I was going to blow off the gym but I knew I needed to get out of the house and run. (Still makes me giggle to type that!)

Got my mp3 player out, popped into my workout gear and off I went. It was right around 5pm so I decided to go around the far side of my neighbourhood. I know my warmup walk gets me pretty close to the traffic lights at Woodroffe & Claridge so it's a good place to start my run - no "running interruptus" so to speak!. I got to the lights just as they turned green so I hit "go" on my mp3 (I'm listening to the C25K podcasts by Ullreys!) and off I went.

Within a minute, I passed my friend Rob (he's probably the closest thing I have to a personal trainer - he's worked with me since the fall of 2007 and although I'm no longer a full time client, I see him as needed at the BMI Medical Institute) and with a discreet wave, I kept on going (he was on his bike going the other way). I felt my pace was a little fast so I slowed it down a tad but it wasn't horribly stressing so I pushed a little more than I have in the past. Took a minute or two of the run to find my breath - I haven't run in a week so it was a little "off" and I had a moment of "can't-do-it-itis" but I pushed the thought out of my head and jogged on.

I got a huge lift as I neared the elementary school - I passed another jogger who smiled and gave me a little wave so I waved back. How friendly! (Keep in mind I usually am solitary at the gym on my treadmill - jogging outdoors is still fairly new.) Keep on slugging and about a km further along my path, I passed another jogger who waved - how very social! And then a speed walked issued forth a "hello!" and by the time I got home, I had passed 3 more ladies who offered waves/smiles of encouragement. I felt like I was floating - seriously! The last kilometer was a challenge - slightly uphill followed by a downhill but I finished it and I think the sorority of my fellow joggers helped me push on through.

I'll come back and post about my first Spin class. My tush is still so sore I'm not sure I can sit much longer without going for a quick stroll/stretch. :)

Get your own graph at skinnyr

Wow - 5 weeks. This week has been crazy busy with lots going on. Not a lot of weight lost (or so I say but if I'd been doing WW, wouldn't I be thrilled to have lost 2 lbs esp. 5 weeks in?

In retrospect, it was a big week for NSV (non-scale victories). First of all, it was Easter. Yep - the chocoholics weekend of orgy. I was mildly worried about all that chocolate in the house - now I will admit up front here that I am a chocolate snob. I don't generally like the waxy milk chocolate crap that they use for Easter candies - I prefer dark chocolate. Doesn't mean of course that in years past that I would buy a bag or two (yep - the big ones) of Easter Egss and sit and eat them (the Cadbury mini-eggs!!).

Friday was our first Easter Egg hunt "en famille" at a friend's house. They have a big acreage south of town and they had set up 4 zones divided by age for the kids. I stuck with Maggie (my 3 yr old) while my DH went with the twins and Charlie followed his group of friends. All 4 kids had a blast and collected 16-20 eggs each which they traded in for candy, etc. I let them eat pretty much what they wanted at my friend's house - I didn't want it coming home with us! But in the 2.5 hrs we were there, I didn't sit down (or look for a place to sit) once. {{faint}} That's huge for me. 6 weeks ago, I would have arrived, been social and looked for a place to perch until the hunt started and the same as soon as it was over. I have suffered from sciatica since I was pregnant with the twins in 1999 and it's not quite gone but it's really really rarer these days. AND after Maggie & I finished her hunt, we walked out to find Charlie's group - honestly, I'm not sure I would have done that 6 weeks ago (as I said, I would have been looking to sit and rest). So we caught up with Charlie's group and I got to help him hunt for eggs too before we headed back to the house (and it was a decent hike of 0.5km each way?).

Sunday morning, I had been asked to participate in the Easter morning celebrations at church. They did Cardboard Testimonies (go to You Tube and search that term - it's a very powerful presentation) and had asked me to participate. Now I'm not one to shy away from being in front of large groups per se but I felt much more confident this time. I had even gone out and bought a new dress for the occasion (and when I tried it on in the store, I felt pretty!! Not just - "yep - it fits so I guess it'll do"). AND for the first time in 6 years, I wore panty hose. And new shoes - no Crocs or flats today... i had cute 1-1.5" heels!!! I got soooo many compliments on my dress and how wonderful I look. Am surprised that my head fits in the avatar box up there. LOL

Those were my big NSV's but I had a few realizations too.

1. I am not getting my liquids in and I am really working hard to get them in.

2. AF showed up 28 days to the day (I got it "early" in March 3 days post-op). Haven't had a "regular" 28 day cycle since 2002-2003? They've been getting shorter so this was a nice break from the 24-25 day (or shorter) cycles of late. And I noticed that my water gain was only 2-3 lbs this month vs the 7-10lbs that I had been seeing recently. She hit the road last night so we'll see if more weight comes off in the next 48 hrs.

3. I was EXHAUSTED this week - which reminded me it's time to get on top of my iron needs. I was borderline anemic at surgery and I definitely am now. Started taking iron on Tuesday andam feeling a little better already - I'm sure it's more AF related but I'm not sure.

4. Also started my calcium supplements - Caltrate chews. Yummy!! And no pills to swallow. A plus.

5. Have been really working on getting my multivitamins - getting at least 1x a day - now to get to 2x.

Also need to start exercising more. Tried my Biggest Loser Yoga for WL DVD - um - their idea of intro and mine are 2 different things. So for now, I'm going to start going to a BMI class once a week and find a yoga class locally once a week.

Going to start a Hatha class TODAY at 12:15 once the kids are gone to school. And I'll add in a BMI class next week (or tomorrow if it fits my schedule). I know I need to get those added asap to boost my WL and to feel better.

HAPPY 4 WEEKS TO ME!!

My first "real" surgiversary?? 4 weeks ago, I was just waking up starving out my mind. My mom had gone downstairs by this time to get breakfast and I hit the shower for my scrub down with the lovely surgical tickler brush. So glad it wasn't my quarter paying for the the hot water!

Do recall feeling very odd not putting product in my hair - so I braided it so I wouldn't have "Alfalfa" hair post op (not sure if anyone else has naturally curly/frizzy hair??). Honestly? Looking back, best thing i did!! Made it so much easier to deal with post-op - one less thing to worry about.

Packed up my things and moved them all next door to my mom's room, packed my hospital bag, my pillow (and too much other stuff I didn't use) and we left for Barix about 10:30. I wasn't scheduled to be there until 11am but I get nervous about punctuality so we left earlier than needed.

The waiting room in the lobby was deserted except one gal - felt badly for her. She was there for noon and had already been there 30+ minutes and she was alone to boot. Janessa came to get me within minutes - had to have 2 last blood tests - a pregnancy test and a "type & screen" in case I needed blood.

Headed back to see my mom and within 5-10 min, I was taken upstairs to pre-op! (OK - things were moving quickly now!). Was given a gown and sent to the washroom to change - everything off! Was measured for a binder (just in case they converted to open surgery), was weighed and then off to my bed. IV in, antibiotics on board, vitals check, met the anesthesiologist, the post-op nurse (was funny - she introduced herself and said she'd be the first one I saw when I woke up, etc - um - if I did, the versed was still on board because I don't remember her!!), etc. Mom came up after having a lovely lunch in the Barix caf. Very light banter - think we were both nervous.

Dr. Pop came in, we chatted briefly and he confirmed I still wanted VSG, etc. I told him most definitely and we talked about how it would be his choice of surgery if he was to have WLS done. Interesting. I think I asked him how many he'd done and he didn't really give me an answer but we both sort of said "it's getting more popular". And I told him that I had a whole gang of folks coming to see him in the next few weeks and he laughed. I signed my consent paperwork, the nurse (I forget his name - Aster??) pushed the versed and that's all I remember until I woke up in my room.

And apart from the first 24 hrs when I had a small gas issue due to my CPAP machine, I really can't complain at all. This has been such "easy" sailing.

And this morning on the scale, I saw 294!! So I am down 25 lbs from my PATS (which was 2 days before my surgery on March 9th) and 32 lbs down from the 6th of March. {{faint}} And if you go from my highest weight in Jan 2009, I'm down 45 lbs. I had hoped for a total of 50 lbs but hey, beggers can't be choosers.

So now I really need to attack the following:

1. Getting in more water/liquids. I need to get another full 16oz bottle of water in everyday at least.
2. Get better with my vitamins and B12. I am only getting about 50% of them in .
3. Buy calcium citrate and start taking it!
4. Exercise. This snowy/rainy weather has had me not walking like I was when I first got home. Have to remind myself that I have a lovely treadmill to use upstairs. Also am able to start my exercise class again this week at BMI and I can use small weights - up to 10 lbs now.
   

According to this gizmo (http://www.obesityhelp.com/morbidobe...er+results.php), I should have lost 30 lbs in my first month. So I'm more or less on track. It's for RnY-ers and IMHO, they have smaller tummies, esp. the first month. And 25 lbs? That's almost 6lbs a week. I'll take it!

BTW - AF can show up anytime and just get this over with.

3 Weeks and counting...

I haven't forgotten about my lovely blog - just been hanging out and waiting... not so patiently but by "new life" will begin anew 3 weeks from today. By this time of day (3:30pm), I should be well out of surgery and be on my second or third lap of the ward.

Dr. Pop wants us up & walking as much as possible post-op. It helps get the anesthetic out of our systems and eases the gas (that they pump inside of your gut to inflate your skin/tummy while the laprascopic procedure is done) out. As I recall after my gall bladder was removed by lap. in 2001, the gas pain in my shoulder was close to the worst part of the recovery. Now i know better - I came home and parked in the Lazy-Boy in the tv room (of course - lets be clear that I had my gall bladder out on THE Sept 11th) and tried to watch and grasp what had happened while I'd been at the hospital since 6:30am.

This time, I will be wanting to be up & walking as much as they'll let me. Bring it on - I'm ready!

Hmmm... not sure how to post this

But I'll post it on the first of each month to bump it up

Awareness goes a looooong way

I had a NSV on New Year's Eve. Normally, my husband and I have an all out food fest on New Year's Eve - I would almost say an orgy of food. {blush} This year, I am trying very hard to be more accountable for my choices and so I had decided in advance that I wasn't going to deprive myself completely but I wasn't going to gorge myself like usual.

With that in mind, we had our usual selection of appetizer type foods: BBQ chicken wings, M & M Cheddar Balls and M & M Vegetable Spring Rolls. As we were waiting for them to be ready, I had decided in my mind what I was going to eat: 5-6 wings, about 25 cheddar balls and 4 spring rolls. So while I waited, I wanted to note the nutrition info so I could log my foods on my BodyBugg food tracker.

It's funny - but the wings were shown with 3 wings being 1 serving size so I had 6... made the math easier. And the Cheddar Balls were 7/serving - I had 21 to start and had 3-4 more once we got going. And Spring Rolls are 2/serving and I had 4. I also had about 1 tbsp of 2% sour cream to dip my cheddar balls in. Normally, in all honesty, I would have eaten 10-12 wings, probably another 10 cheddar balls and the same number of spring rolls and more sour cream.

When I was done eating, I felt full and comfortable - not stuffed to the gills thinking "oh - what have I done?". We even had chips in the cupboard which we didn't need.

When I calculated it all this morning, 1156 cal in total for that meal. More than anything, the sodium in this food floored me. So I wasn't surprised to see a water gain on the scale this a.m. I also wasn't very active yesterday but today, I bumped up my calories expended to make up for the caloric surplus yesterday.

Dec 31st:

Calories Out: 2392
Calories In: 2916
Surplus of 524 calories

Jan 1st (to 4:30pm):

Calories Out:1748
Calories In: 1294
Deficit of 454 calories

So it's not perfect by any stretch but I am certainly learning alot about myself and what goes in & out of my body!!

OH!! And I also wore my BB to bed last night and I'll have to ask the consultant on Monday how to reset my sleeping/rest numbers as I burn 1.8 cal/min (on average) which is higher than the BB shows if I take my armband off overnight (it uses 1.3 cal as a default). Guess it is true that you burn more calories when you have sleep apnea.

Some humour from my mom to start the year off right:

Winter Exercise program...


Take one Weetbix.
Take an Aero chocolate bar.
Crumble the Aero over the Weetbix.

Voila! AEROBIX!

I've been BodyBugg'ed

OK - I bought myself an early Christmas gift. I got a Body Bugg - the armband that you see the contestants on the Biggest Loser wearing. I installed it about 3 weeks ago but it took me a bit to figure it out. The first time I actually put it on was the 22nd of December after I had my consultation with BodyBugg (I get a one hour free consult/instruction with the purchase) and it turns out I was supposed to have been wearing it already - oops - so we rescheduled for Jan 5th.

The first day I wore it, I had to take it off after about 4 hrs - the band was super snug and hurting me. I tried again on the 24th and I lasted about 6 hrs. On the 26th however, I was rummaging through the box and found (tada!) a bigger armband and a wireless transmitter. So I've now been using the Bugg itself for 4 days and it's fascinating!! The program also includes an online food tracker, etc.

I log my caloric intake and then I download the Bugg's data 1-2X a day (for now so I can see how I'm doing). The food tracker program is ok - needs a lot more foods and they have no Canadian data so I'm often having to input my own but that's ok - I'm taking the time to learn what's in my food, etc.

It's certainly made me more aware of what I'm doing - to the point that I can say I've lost 2.3 lbs since I started 4 days ago - might just be a fluke and all but at this point, it's certainly help make me more accountable for my (shall we say) input and output. :)

Shouting from the Rooftops!

I got my surgery date!! March 12th will be a truly life altering day.

Surviving Christmas??

Well - Christmas 2008 has come & gone and I'm pleased to report that it was fairly easy to survive. I've been trying not to weigh myself too much - too frustrating but on Christmas Day, I tried on my engagement ring which I had to stop wearing mid-November (I could get it on but if my hands swelled even slightly, it was painful) and it fits again!! Still not 100% comfortable but I would say I'm at 90% comfort compared to about 50% 4-5 weeks ago. So I hopped on the scale on Saturday and I'm down... 10 lbs since I met with Dr. Pop in mid-November!! Woot!!

It's nice to have my folks here for Christmas as we all struggle with our own weight issues so we tried not to bring too many sweets into the house, etc but were allowing some so that the kids can enjoy some of the joys of the holidays too. My really close friend Penny made cookies and sent me home with a 12 x 6" container of homemade cookies on the 19th - sugar cookies, soft ginger snaps, shortbread, a chocolate coated peanut brittle type stuff and chocolate coated oriental noodles with marshmallows & peanuts. I admit to eating quite a few of the ginger snaps but maybe 2-3 a day? On the 23rd, we had my mom's cousin over for tea and we had almost half of those cookies still left to put out along with some from a tin of store bought ones (the President's Choice Belgian Chocolate selection).

The 24th was a little more challenging - we went to my Aunt's home and she had made Nanaimo bars and added extra dark chocolate (a weakness for both mom & I) on the top. Thankfully she cut them small (1/2" x 1/2" ??) so when I say I had 3 of them, it sounds bad until you realize I normally would have eaten 3 "normal" sized ones which are 1 x 1". Otherwise, I had a cup of tea... she had made mince tarts but I'm not a huge mince tart fan and I decided to splurge my calories on something I adore. How's that for a NSV?! (non-scale victory)

Dinners the week leading up to Christmas were great - we made a big ham on Tuesday night with scalloped potatoes and carrots (which meants yummy ham for lunch on Wed & Thurs). Wednesday night was Farm Boy tourtiere and ham leftovers which most of the adults chose! Christmas dinner was spectacular - we bought a fresh turkey at Farm Boy (seriously - I will never buy frozen or a "ball" bird again!!), made stuffing from scratch, mashed sweet potatoes, mashed/whipped white potatoes, carrots and peas. And we made gravy from the pan drippings... It was fabulous!

On Boxing Day, Bill & I made turkey soup with lots of veggies which the kids all loved!! I've even cooked dinner (don't drop dead out there!) 6 out of the last 7 days (with the exception of Boxing Day when Bill & I ordered in pizza).

Yep - still waiting

Not much more to add at this point - I'm still waiting for a date. I have called each week (except this one with my MIL here) and they say Dr. Pop hasn't yet signed off on my chart. Considering I have no tests to do before he even approves me, I don't understand the delay.

*sigh*

Still waiting

Still waiting not so patiently for a surgery date. I'm hoping to hear from Barix next week (and I would be lying if I didn't say that I was hoping to hear EARLY in the week) as they've basically not been doing any bookings this week with US Thanksgiving and Dr. Pop's doing his boards (?).

OHIP Update!!

Dr. F @ BMI Medical just called - he talked to OHIP and they screwed up. Paperwork has now been corrected to show I'm approved for the VSG!!!

I'm very pleased and to boot, I still made good food choices at lunch even though I wanted to demolish a bag of chips! So a double woot!

Now the dreaded wait for a surgery date....

Bloody bureaucracy - another roadblock..

Damn damn damn - OHIP approval is here (yippee) but approved me for the wrong flipping one (approved for RnY) so I have to start the paperwork AGAIN which means I'll miss my window for surgery in January. Seriously - I am bawling here.

When I met with Dr. Pop yesterday, he is booking into mid-late January and I only have family supports to be able to have surgery in January or not again until after March Break. I called OHIP and got the voicemail - left a message to find out "what now". I also called BMI here in Ottawa - poor Stacey (the receptionist) wasn't sure what to make of the hysterically crying woman on the phone I think but I think she got the idea that having Dr. Freedhoff give me a call might be a good one.

After all the crap to get to Detroit & back (snow, black ice, almost missed my flight out of Toronto last night, my home care worker didn't show up to care for my son as planned yesterday, etc) and now this I'm starting to wonder if the fates are trying to tell me something.

Sorry to be down - i was super happy and high as a kite when I went out to take my son to the school bus 30 min ago and saw my Purolator envelope sitting in my mailbox (um - don't they ring the doorbell anymore?).

Met Dr. Pop today

My mom & I drove to Detroit on Sunday from Ottawa - took waaaaaaaaaay too long but we hit snow flurries (and other various frozen precipitation) on the way down and in the end, we spent almost 11 hrs on the road to get there. The Red Roof in was clean by very basic - not sure I'd like to spend 4-5 nights there but at that cost - I may have to reconsider. {giggle}

We decided to get up and head straight to Barix Monday a.m. to check in and it was barely passed 9am and we were the 2nd to check in. Whew... We headed out to find breakfast and grabbed McD's - can I just say that eggs on a biscuit is sooo much better than on an English Muffin (are you listening McD's Canada?)?? OK - then we had fun playing with Trixie (what we called the GPS in Mom & Dad's new car) and were able to find a TJ Maxx about 5-10 min drive from the hospital. So we killed about an hour at TJ Maxx and then headed down the same road to Target & Lane Bryant - bright new stores. Found a blouse at Lane Bryant for the Christmas Tree (finally) but was quite disappointed in myself at how small a size 26/28 felt - many wouldn't go over my hips. Yikes.... (although I look around at my group sessions and the consult today and wonder where these folks who are bigger than I am get their clothes?).

Having gotten what we needed (and being mindful of how much we could bring back across the border), we decided to grab a quick lunch before heading back to Barix. IHOP - wow!! 2 poached eggs and 2 pancakes with 2 bacon. To be honest, I was at first wondering "where's the toast!" but in the end, it was the right amount of food. And for the first time in awhile, no pop with my meal - just water. Felt good actually. Yep - I guess that's maybe my first mini-wow on this journey?

Back to Barix to fill in all the paperwork - medical history, etc. At 1:15, they came out to collect us and we had our group consult with Dr. Pop. He's really nice - if I met him at a social function, I would want to be friends with him. Pulls no punches but has a good sense of humour, etc. As odd as it sounds, he seems to have a twinkle in his eye that lets you know he's a fun guy when it's appropriate. :) Mom thought he was pretty "neat" too.

We broke into 1:1 sessions around 2:30 or so - I was pretty darned happy to be #2 on the list. I was called fairly quickly - height (5ft 5.5"?? She squished me pretty hard - I'm at least 5'6" - I used to be 5'7"!!), weight (325), BP (seemed ok - maybe on the higher side of normal but ok), etc.

Met with Dr. Pop - apart from my apnea, no co-morbidities. He asked which surgery I felt I wanted and when I said the sleeve, he didn't even blink. Not sure if he was going to suggest RnY or discuss the pros & cons but I think I told hime that I'm just not a sweets gal - I have maybe one day a month where I really really crave sweets but it's around that time of the month and I can be satisfied with 1-2 cookies now and I'm sure that would be less if I couldn't eat as much. I honestly feel that I need help with portion control and improving my food choices and none of the surgeries would really help with the food choices per se.

I don't need any more testing - don't need to meet with psych, no need for cardiology, etc. We did talk about post-op and caring for Andrew but he's more concerned about my eating to soothe, esp. if I eat to soothe as a coping mechanism for the stresses (and he said that having child with a disablitliy is stressful - nice to hear him say that) in my life.

We left about 3:30-3:45pm and had no troubles clearing the border - I've had longer lines here in Ogdensburg! (but man the Ambassador bridge is a mess right now - I'd hate to see it on the weekend when more folks are travelling) The drive was good - moving right along until we hit St. Thomas (just outside of London) around 6pm or so and we had snow - not just snow but a WHITEOUT. The transport in front of me disappeared completely. So we got off at the next exit and had dinner and tried to wait it out (and hoped it would ease) and thankfully it did. We were back on the road around 6:45 or so and it was pretty good the rest of the way - a few snow flurries around London itself and then clear sailing.

Mom dropped me at Pearson Airport in Toronto around 8:25 or so, I got my boarding pass and headed to the gate to chill out and wait. We were a tad late boarding but the flight was only 1/3 full so it was quick to board and I think we pushed back right on time (or within 5 min of our scheduled time). We arrived in Ottawa on time and I met up with my friend Stephanie within minutes and she was shephearding me back to my house.

Was nice to be back in my own bed!!

Signed my OOC (out of country) paperwork for the Ontario Health Insurance Program (OHIP) at 10am this morning and it was faxed off while I waited! Woot!!

So now I wait - I would love to hear before I meet Dr. Pop on the 17th but that's only really a week away as I imagine my file won't be looked at today however I have heard of approvals in a week so maybe.

Today's BMI appointments...

Had an appointment with Shawna (the NUT - well ok, she's a dietician but saying "nut" as in nutritionist is that much faster - ok Shawna?) at BMI this afternoon. I very proudly showed off my food journal. For the first time since last fall when I first "joined" BMI, I have been much more faithfully filling out my food journal. Honestly - this has indeed allowed me a better picture of what I'm eating and being honest about when I snack, etc. It's not perfect but it's a start. Shawna was very pleased. :)

For now, my goal is to continue my food journal and making sure I eat my 3 snacks & 3 meals aiming for my 100+ g of protein a day and approx 1700-2000 cal/day. I find the a.m. snack the hardest to remember - eating breakfast at 8am and then lunch around 11:30, I don't feel I need one in between but I'm working on eating something less filling like nuts at that time.

Also got to talk off the record with Dr. F about my findings, etc. He originally was pushing (well - not pushing per se) for me to consider the DS but after doing my online reading/research, he also feels that my familiy situation does not allow for me to be out of commission for 10 weeks post-op if I have the DS (which is done as an open procedure when covered by OHIP). The lap surgery (either VSG or RnY) is a shorter recovery. I have to confirm with Dr. Pop the exact timing but it is certainly a shorter recovery in that sense.

I shared with him some of what I learned about vitamins and such from my OH Ottawa group meeting on Sunday. He is familiar with the DS procedure but I find he's always very open minded and wants to keep up with what's out there. I thought Shawna (the NUT) would also want to keep abreast of what folks are doing post-WLS.

On a personal note, I am already starting to notice that I am worried about how I will feel/look after the weight starts to come off - to the point that it's affecting my self confidence already. Not great but an early demon that's rearing it's head. I will definitely be investigating the counsellor at BMI to discuss these issues BEFORE I have surgery so I have some better coping techniques for the ups & downs post op.

Countdown

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